Scout Moves

Yep, today is another day when I send a child off to a far away land, out of reach and out of my control. Daughter No. 1 leaves for Dijon, France today where she will spend nearly two months studying French as part of a college program. She will fly by herself. She will take the train by herself. She will move into her dorm by herself. She will feed herself, explore her new surroundings by herself, be in France by herself. I keep telling myself, "she's a big girl. she's a big girl. she's a big girl." But I keep seeing the little toddler who used to sit in her crib late at night asking me to sing songs to her as she drifted off to sleep, slipping her hand between the bars to feel her mother beside her. Daughter No. 2 is still in Australia and will not return home until late Monday evening, so for the next three days, my children will be in other countries. Have they no idea what this does to their mother? Big news, though--later in July, during the weekend of No. ...

Yesterday, Sassy noted my literal interpretation of the word "dirty." Of course, I know the word can be used to mean different things--different kinds of dirty or unsavory or socially frowned upon activities. I opted for the bacteria-infested form of "dirty." Sometimes I enjoy being Amelia Bedilia. Amelia Bedilia is the main character in a whimsical series of children's books about a housekeeper who interprets everything literally. For example, when asked to draw the curtains, she sketches them out with pencil and paper, and when asked to heat a can of soup, she places an unopened can of soup in a pot of boiling water. I have a niece who has made the same confusing mistakes. During the summer before her senior year in high school, Niece lived with us and worked as our nanny. My daughters were too young to be left home alone during the day while I went to work, and they hated the day-camp at the Y. Niece took them to the town pool, fed them their lunch, amused th...

I have been tagged by JanieBelle with a little meme about dirty secrets. I chuckled when reading her list because, if you follow my link to U Dream of Janie, you'll see that she and I are quite different in, shall we say, our pursuits of happiness. In keeping with my PG rating, the term "dirty" will be relative. Think more in terms of germs. First, here are the rules: *Post these rules before listing the facts. *List eight random facts/habits. *Tag eight people and list their names. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules. My "Dirty" Little Secrets: 1. Sometimes I bite my nails, even after I have pumped gas into my car. 2. I don't have a 5-second rule when eating food dropped on the floor. My rule is more like 60 seconds, unless it falls within the tracks left by my kitties and their litter-encrusted paws. 3. I drink out of other people's glasses if they'll let me. 4. I use public hand rails w...

This will come as no surprise to any of you, but my blog has been rated PG. Apparently the use of the word "knife" in a few posts kept me from getting a G. Darn my violent tendencies.

I really was raised in a paranoid environment--paranoid because around every corner lurked an evil just waiting to grasp at the heart of the unwatchful. Every word or deed had the potential to be sinful, and everyone in the news had the potential to be the anti-Christ. All of that fear and scowling can really do a job on a kid. My mother had a collection of Reader's Digest condensed books on the shelf in the family room, and stuck in between all the fiction that had been cleared of all the unnecessary adjectives was a family health dictionary/encyclopedia. You would go to this reference book if you had a rash you couldn't identify, or as my father used to moan when he didn't want to have to go to church, if you had a "crick in your ribs." I don't think I ever found that vague phrase for physical discomfort in the encyclopedia, but I did find all kinds of other interesting things. One day, as a kid flipping through the pages, I found a section on hernias. I had...

The principle trombone player in my summer band is brilliant. He can play the blues, swing, big band, and everything from sassy to stately. He's got a pretty limited view of what musical styles should be played in church, though. The man played in clubs quite a bit in his younger years and doesn't want church music to remind him of those risky-behavior days. I guess when he is performing at the park, his memory doesn't sear so much. I am quite a snob about certain styles of music no matter where I am--I hate techno crap and country and hip-hop and most rap--I especially hate those forms when I have to hear them from someone else's car stereo when I am in traffic. I don't think those styles are evil, though, not in and of themselves, at least. I think that if a person is black hearted, they'll be no less black hearted if they listen to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir than if they listen to Eminem. When I was a kid, growing up in a very conservative church where playi...

So, Israel wants to improve their image as a tourist destination for men ages 18 to 38, hoping to appear hip and appealing instead of full of conflict and danger. How does a nation go about changing their reputation, I ask? Maybe they could launch a campaign featuring their cultural heritage--their world-class symphonies and ballet. Maybe they could send around film footage of breathtaking landscapes with unmatched historical significance or show us their lovely beaches and interesting places to visit. Turkey has a campaign like that, and all the pretty pictures almost make you forget about the squashed human rights and their disdain for non-Muslims. Well, those are some things I would do if I were in charge of boosting the reputation of a volatile country. But Israel has decided, instead, that they will improve their world image if they take some of their prettiest and sexiest women soldiers, women who have supposedly thrived and achieved notable accomplishments while in the military,...

Pope Leo IX (the Pope) JCF Bach (German composer) Jane Russell (of Gentlemen Prefer Blonds fame) Daniel Carter Beard (founder of the Boy Scouts of America) Jean-Paul Sartre (French philosopher) Maureen Stapleton (Academy Award winning actress) Mariette Hartley (who?) Prince William of Wales (the prince) but most importantly, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 45 years ago today, I was born in Alabama in a small town on the banks of the Tennessee River. Yesterday, someone asked me if my family has any birthday traditions. The answer is no. My family never cared very much, but I do remember a few birthday highlights. I was given a birthday party in the back yard when I was ten years old. Two years later, my sister got married on my birthday, so I was just a bit overlooked, although I did get a stuffed animal--it was a white Yorkshire terrier with an AM radio in its stomach. When I turned 20, a different sister took me to an outdoor performance of Dvorak's New World Sympho...

It's never a good idea to listen to adagios, I mean just adagios without the buffeting effect of the surrounding andantes and allegros. I know that, but I still bought a CD of just adagios, and I occasionally listen to it and wish I didn't. I know people think they are supposed to be comforting, but just by themselves, it's never a good idea. In the first place, adagios are meant to be heard with the entire composition. It's like pulling the bridges out of your favorite pop tunes and listening to them one right after the other without the rest of the songs. It's like just eating an Oreo cookie without the filling. In the second place, when played one after another, they are simply depressing. They don't comfort. They oppress. They deplete the spirit, and without the uplifting benefit of their surrounding parts, you've got no place to go but flat on the floor. You're just asking for the fetal position, and you're destined to eat Kraft macaroni and ch...

They say the eyes are a window into the soul. They say you can tell a gentleman by the way he treats women. They say you are what you eat. And they say you can tell the nature of a woman by the shape of her lipstick. A Mary Kay sales manager did a "study" on women and their lipsticks, and she assembled her theory of how the two are connected. Here is what she determined: 1. Your lipstick remains to be of its initial shape. You always follow the rules You are consistent You don�t like to be the focus of everybody�s attention You are shy You are self-restrained You are disciplined You can make up your mind to dye your hair only at a pinch 2. Your lipstick is of a rounded shape. You are sociable You are friendly You are composed You are a woman of principle You are attractive 3. Your lipstick is of acute shape (angle of 45 degree). You are self-confident You are hot-tempered You don�t like restrictions You carefully choose friends You are open-minded You like being the focus ...

Here are a few classic quotes from Groucho Marx, just to finish off Tuesday's bit of tribute and to head into the weekend with the proper attitude: Ice Water? Get some Onions - that'll make your eyes water. Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it. Why don't you go home to your wife? Better yet, I'll go home to your wife, and outside of the improvement, she won't notice any difference. I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7.30 to 8.00 to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30. My brother thinks he's a chicken - we don't talk him out of it because we need the eggs. We must remember that art is art. Well, on the other hand water is water isn't it? And east is east and west is w...

Yep. Today is the day. Today is the day I send my baby (17 years old) off with a pack of relative strangers to tour Fiji, New Zealand, and Australia. She has joined up with People to People, a program started by Eisenhower to encourage young people to understand other cultures instead of trying to conquer them. The group leaves today, and by tomorrow they will be in Fiji. they'll be there for several days learning about the island's government, culture, and environment. They'll spend time with a tribe and an elementary school, and they'll play on the beach until their body clocks recover. Then they'll spend several days in New Zealand learning everything they can learn there in a few days. They'll split up in groups of two or three and stay in homes with locals, getting to know what it's like to live day to day there. Each student is to bring a home-stay gift for their hosts, something small that represents their own homeland, so Daughter No. 2 is taking a b...

I don't have a specific movie to review today, so I will just honor the Marx Brothers, and it isn't even a birthday. I can't stand Laurel and Hardy, and the Three Stooges make me want to wash my hands, but the Marx Brothers--I love the Marx Brothers, every one of them. Their humor is so odd, and their individual characters are so quirky, I can't help but laugh just at the thought of them. The plot of their films is incidental (thin at best). The formula in their scripts is predictable. Their gimmicks are the same from movie to movie. But none of that matters. Groucho finagled. Harpo played the harp. Chico played the piano. Groucho tormented Margaret Dumont' s society broad character. Harpo threw his leg at annoyed bystanders and honked a horn. Chico pretended to be Italian. It was always the same, and it was always fun. Gummo began as an entertainer but later became an agent and manager. Zeppo was a straight man in many of the brothers' films, but he was more su...

Another Melee Monday : 1. The Misanthtropic : Name something (about humanity) you absolutely hate. That patronizing tone that some people use to make someone else feel small. One of my favorite lines from Little Miss Sunshine is "sarcasm is what small people use to bring others down to their level." (or something like that). That applies to patronizing as well. 2. The Meretricious: Expose something or someone that’s phony, fraudulent or bogus. I don't think God will double your money if you donate cash to somebody on television. Besides, the purpose of generosity is not to get a benefit in return. 3. The Malcontent: Name something you’re unhappy with. I am unhappy with the bird who has decided the portion of patio beside my pool makes a fine toilet. The thing goes out of his way to set himself down on the edge and take a dump. Every time he returns, he scoots down a few inches so that after an active afternoon, there is a straight line of bird poo tracing the edge of my...

Dive's mouth-watering, chocolate-covered post reminds me of a cocoa-related cautionary tale of my own: When I was a kid, my parents went out once--I say "once" because I hardly ever remember their going out in the evening. On this rare occasion, they left me at home with my older sister. My older sister was quite the movie hound, as much as I was, and she settled in to watch something that didn't interest me. I set out to find chocolate. There was a pull-out bread drawer in our kitchen that, along with bread, had treats my father used to pack his man-sized lunch for work every day. He kept things like Mars bars and Twinkies in this drawer, and while these things were not off limits to the rest of us, you wouldn't want to be the one to eat them and then have him find an empty drawer at lunch-making time. Besides being meant for his big, black, metal lunch box, these things were also a sign of prosperity. They were luxuries, and even when my father was laid off fr...

The other day Daughter No. 2 bought a bag of strawberry marshmallows. Marshmallows are bad enough unless they are burned to a crunchy black crisp over an open fire at night--roasted marshmallows don't have the same appeal during the day--but now someone has gone and injected them with artificial strawberry flavor and dyed them pink. Daughter then bought a container of dipping chocolate. She dipped the tops of the pink marshmallows in the chocolate and decorated them with sprinkles. Voila--a lovely treat. Not really. They looked pretty, but they were still disgusting. If you can turn something bad into something that at least looks good just by dipping it in chocolate, then are the possibilities endless? Once or twice a year I pull out the fondue crock, and we cut up fruit and pound cake for dipping. Those things are good as is and don't need help to make them palatable, so now I am wondering if the next time we melt a pot of chocolate, maybe we should surround it with things th...

My mother used a line a few times when I was a teenager that goes like this: why do you want to look like that when you could be pretty? I was assured of heading off to school full of self-confidence and a healthy level of self-esteem every time I heard it. Her perception of beauty was different from mine evidently, based on an old southern standard of femininity--curled hair, ruffled collars, "darling outfits," makeup at all times. My perception of beauty was based on nothing, I think, because during my teenage years, beauty wasn't a priority. Torn jeans, baggy shirts, scruffy tennies --those were all appropriate for school. I didn't own a container of makeup until I was 18, and even then I didn't know how to use it. My mother's line haunts me still when I look in the mirror. I don't know why that is because I have grown into my own--I am nearly 45 years old, for Pete's sake, so barbs from my youth should be long buried, I would think. I do put a litt...

I forget to do this from week to week, but here is another Monday Melee : 1. The Misanthtropic : Name something (about humanity) you absolutely hate. I am not wild about our tendency to be socially insecure--all those people aren't judging you because they're too busy judging themselves. 2. The Meretricious: Expose something or someone that’s phony, fraudulent or bogus. I don't think God will double your money if you donate cash to somebody on television. Besides, the purpose of generosity is not to get a benefit in return. 3. The Malcontent: Name something you’re unhappy with. I am unhappy with the policy of designing by committee, and I am unhappy that I have to replace an illustration on a book cover that I think is perfect. There, I said it. 4. The Meritorious: Give someone credit for something and name it if you can. My neighbor/dear friend Jane threw a party for her son's graduation that took a heck of a lot of work. Even though she knew it would be a killer jo...

to Thomas Hardy (1840). I was introduced to Hardy by my high school English teacher, Mr. Wray. We were required to read The Return of the Native , and I soon declared Hardy to be one of my favorite authors. I followed with Tess of the d'Urbervilles and Jude the Obscure , which, despite its fateful plot line and hopeless depiction of life, is a novel I don't mind re-reading from time to time. The first time I visited Westminster Abbey, I remember touching the stone that marks the grave spot of Hardy's ashes (his heart is buried in a family plot elsewhere), and being amazed--as a kid in school I never expected to travel, and I certainly never expected to be in London, England, visiting Westminster Abbey, standing in Poet's Corner, paying homage to Thomas Hardy. He would have said it was fate that guided me to that spot then and there. I say it was cash and determination. It's a pity we can't argue the nature of being in person.

Tiger, staking claim to my laptop. This is for Oscar, who belongs to Alifan.

I have completed another exercise from Caffeine for the Creative Mind . The assignment is to look into any cluttered compartment you control, like your desk drawer or briefcase or purse, and choose three items. Put the items on a piece of paper in some random composition and trace them. Remove the items and flesh out the drawing to create something else entirely. You can turn them into one larger item or three smaller ones. My purse is crazily cluttered. I have never been one to carry one around unless I have to, like in cases when the stuff I want to have with me doesn't fit in my pockets. But when I need to carry a purse, I prefer this one. I have had it for years--a small, warn leather thing that feels like an old saddle bag. Once, while staying out in the dunes in Michigan, I left it out in the rain overnight, and in the morning, I had to dig it out of inches of wet sand. I think the rough treatment only served to give it more character. Anyway, this purse of mine is quite ofte...