Skip to main content

Exaggerations, Similes and Metaphors the Size of Texas

I like exaggerations, similes and metaphors. They allow you to be expressive and create word associations that add an extra layer of description. I've talked about spiders enough for you to know I hate them, and because I hate them, I like to overstate their size by suggesting they're as big as a state in the union just so you know I'm not talking about any old house spider you could squish with your thumb. There was a hairy one the size of Montana in the pool last week, and the men who were treating the water and folding up the winter cover laughed when I said that I could never go outside again.

My news editor sent an email the other day asking me to write about an event in Small Town, and she said we need to cover it "like dew on Dixie." That simile was new to me, and now I can't seem to stop using it. "Like white on rice" means the same thing, but that has been used up, and it doesn't have the bonus of alliteration that the Dixie line provides.

Over the weekend, a cashier at Borders talked me into buying The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, a collection of letters describing the island of Guernsey during the German occupation. In the second letter, the author describes someone speaking before an audience and taking to it "like a drunkard to rum," and now I've got another simile to add to my arsenal. Doesn't a line like that make the point better than saying something like, "and she related well to her audience," and isn't it more colorful? I prefer gin to rum, but I can imagine how much a drunkard would really really like it.

Speaking of gin, I've heard it described as Mother's Ruin, and I take that as a sort of metaphor. A gin and tonic can hit the spot, and if a mother were to let it hit the spot too often, I can see how she might go to ruin over time.

So, I think the next time I see a spider the size of New Jersey in my back yard, I'll calm my nerves with a tumbler full of mother's ruin. And I'll slip out into the yard either quiet as a mouse or noisy to beat the band, and I'll saturate the place with enough repellent to fill Lake Superior. Like dew on Dixie.

What are your favorite exaggerations, similes or metaphors?

Comments

kyle@sift said…
I have always been fond of...
"Like a bum on a bologna sandwich"
Sister #1 said…
How about one form Dixie, via your brother-in-law. "Finer than frog hair", as in really good.
As the brilliant philosopher Gregory House once said, "The point of metaphors is to scare people from doing things by telling them that something much scarier is going to happen than what will really happen. God, I wish I had a metaphor to explain that better."

More importantly... did you like the book? I read it last fall and liked it a lot more than I expected. Have been recommending it and giving it around. Hurrah for handselling.
Scout said…
Kyle, that's another new one, and a good one at that.

Sister, I've never heard him say that, but it's makes for an interesting picture.

Cheri, I'll use the passenger thing!

Shannon, I have only read a few pages so far because I'm reading Vikram Seth's The Golden Gate and want to finish it before I move onto the next book in the stack.
I quite like 'mad as a box of frogs'.

Ew, Robyn. Spiders are the most terrible things and yes I agree they are the size of small animals and I'm sure ours in the UK are probably smaller than yours. That's a scary thought.
It was quite bad tonight, on popping out at midnight, to find an exodus of snails leaving the garden and heading for the kerb. Why? Also; Ew. Brr. I loathe all crawlies.
Mark said…
I'd love to join in, but I'm busier than a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest, and the network's slower than molasses in January. And if my daddy heard me say that he'd be madder than a wet hen.

Popular posts from this blog

No More Mr. Nice Guy

It's good to be a nice person--to say nice things, to do nice things, to write nice things--but I declare an end to the use of the word nice. Nice is what you say when you can't think of any other adjective. Someone shows you a picture of their back yard--that's nice. Someone tells you about their afternoon adventure--that's nice. Or someone describes their childhood in great detail and sometimes with painstaking effort--that's nice. It's a lazy word, and it's non-descriptive. Nice is like mashed potatoes with noodles and chicken gravy all in a big pile on one plate with some canned corn for garnish. Everything is the same color and texture and base substance--starch (this is a favorite Amish dish). Nice is like a partly cloudy day in April when outside feels like inside, and you can't tell a difference between the lighting and the temperature of your living room and the lighting and temperature of your front yard. Nice is a glass of lukewarm water. ...

Ish People

Tell an Ish person to show up around 9 a.m., and you'll see them somewhere around 9 a.m. Tell them to show up at 9ish, and you'll see them anywhere from 9:05 to 9:20. You have given them license to dilly dally, and who wouldn't take advantage of that? The other night at the big shindig dinner party, one of the drummers said the rehearsal the next morning would begin at 9ish. "I am an ish person," he says. Immediately the clanker goes off in my head--oh, good, I thought. I can deliver my daughter a little late. No Ish person is early, so if you say 9ish, that does not mean give or take 5, 10, 15 minutes. It's exclusively a taking phrase. Take an extra 10 minutes to drink your cup of coffee. We won't mind. We're Ish people. Sunday's rehearsal started at 2:00. Because it was conducted by the same people who conducted the Saturday rehearsal, my understanding was 2-ISH. My daughter is worse than I am about taking liberties with Ish time frames, so she d...

Long Live Anita Bowser

You know I occasionally check my hometown newspaper's website to scan the obituaries (morbid, I know, but I'm at that age). Over this past weekend, I read the obituary of Indiana State Senator Anita Bowser . She was a noted Democrat who championed causes protecting the neediest in the state's population. She was respected on both sides of the aisle for her intelligence and plain and outspoken approach to law making. The picture on her senate page is lovely. I remember none of those things about Anita Bowser . My first year or so in college was spent at a branch of Purdue University, and in the early 80s, Anita was a political science professor. She taught my American Government class my freshman year, and she was a mess. Somewhere in my old text book, I have a sketch of her drawn on a particularly dull day in class--her hose sagged at her ankles, her slip showed at least half an inch all the way around, her hair had been slept on but not brushed, and her bright red lip stic...