A new coffee shop has opened up in the next town. It's only about five or ten minutes away, so I went there with a good friend the other day. It was the shop's opening day, I think, and the people behind the counter were just getting the hang of things. They had been trained in taking orders, using the equipment, and creating heart shapes in the frothy cream on top of their fancy schmancy coffee drinks. My friend ordered a mint mocha which proved to be a problem because that wasn't one of the things they had been trained to make, but they did their best. I ordered a small cappuccino, just a plain cappuccino with no shots of flavor and nothing fancy. As the girl was punching the order into the cash register, she said, "OK, but do you know what a real cappuccino is?" She just wanted to be sure.
Do I know what a real cappuccino is? As opposed to what? Maybe she meant an artificial one like what you get at McDonald's, the gas station kind which isn't cappuccino at all. It's more of a glorified hot chocolate with a hint of coffee flavor and a pound of sugar. I answered the girl at the register with a "yes," and I thought people must have come into the shop that first day of business and expected gas-station cappuccino and been surprised by the real stuff in their cups. I thought that, and it made me a little sad, the possibility that we have settled for fake crap and lost sight of what's real.
Ice milk was a frozen dessert my parents used to buy because it was cheaper than ice cream. Now the FDA lets it be called "low-fat ice cream," but no matter what the label says, it's not the same as regular ice cream, real ice cream. Have a spoonful of the low-fat stuff, and then have a spoonful of the real stuff, and you'll know what I mean. Ice milk does nothing but mimic ice cream, mocking the good stuff with it's lack of cream and flavor.
Have you ever had mock apple pie? I haven't. It's made with crumbled up Ritz crackers instead of apples. Crackers instead of apples, I'll say again because I am astonished anyone would make such a sorry excuse for a pie. The poor slobs in the Ritz Cracker test kitchen must have been desperate when they came up with that one—pie crust filled with smashed crackers. I have never made the thing and vow never to sully my kitchen with it, but if you want to, that's between you and your conscience. Just keep it to yourself. Here's the recipe.
Velveeta is the Naugahyde of cheese. Cool Whip is polyester whipped cream. Margarine is not interchangeable with butter. Gas station cappuccino isn't real cappuccino. And Tang...well, I don't know what Tang is. People keep shoving mock food and beverages at us so that we barely recognize the real thing anymore. Is it any wonder the poor girl at the register had to ask if I know what a real cappuccino is? It's sad. Real sad.
Do I know what a real cappuccino is? As opposed to what? Maybe she meant an artificial one like what you get at McDonald's, the gas station kind which isn't cappuccino at all. It's more of a glorified hot chocolate with a hint of coffee flavor and a pound of sugar. I answered the girl at the register with a "yes," and I thought people must have come into the shop that first day of business and expected gas-station cappuccino and been surprised by the real stuff in their cups. I thought that, and it made me a little sad, the possibility that we have settled for fake crap and lost sight of what's real.
Ice milk was a frozen dessert my parents used to buy because it was cheaper than ice cream. Now the FDA lets it be called "low-fat ice cream," but no matter what the label says, it's not the same as regular ice cream, real ice cream. Have a spoonful of the low-fat stuff, and then have a spoonful of the real stuff, and you'll know what I mean. Ice milk does nothing but mimic ice cream, mocking the good stuff with it's lack of cream and flavor.
Have you ever had mock apple pie? I haven't. It's made with crumbled up Ritz crackers instead of apples. Crackers instead of apples, I'll say again because I am astonished anyone would make such a sorry excuse for a pie. The poor slobs in the Ritz Cracker test kitchen must have been desperate when they came up with that one—pie crust filled with smashed crackers. I have never made the thing and vow never to sully my kitchen with it, but if you want to, that's between you and your conscience. Just keep it to yourself. Here's the recipe.
Velveeta is the Naugahyde of cheese. Cool Whip is polyester whipped cream. Margarine is not interchangeable with butter. Gas station cappuccino isn't real cappuccino. And Tang...well, I don't know what Tang is. People keep shoving mock food and beverages at us so that we barely recognize the real thing anymore. Is it any wonder the poor girl at the register had to ask if I know what a real cappuccino is? It's sad. Real sad.
Comments
That really needed saying.
I'm a real pedant when it comes to food (as you know).
I remember being almost hospitalised with horror when you told me the things Americans put on top of a pizza base (macaroni cheese? BLECH!) … The only thing allowed on top of a pizza base is freshly made passatta, buffalo mozzarella and fresh basil leaves. Anything else is just an abomination and folk who eat crap like that should be beaten to death by fat old Italian mamas.
And the things people put in coffee!
Excuse me while I writhe in apoplectic fury!
And who in their right mind could mistake a Ritz Cracker for an apple?
Sheesh!
Fake food, chemical additives, pre-packaged "ready meals", pre-made sauces that contain nothing that was ever food …
I need to go and lie down before I explode from sheer exasperation.
We have one of those Flavia coffee machines at my office and one of the guys offered to make me a cappucino once.
I replied: Oh...you mean a mockacino?
He's like 12...he didn't understand! Ok..he's about 23, but he still didn't get it. They've been raised on this stuff!
I don't understand the mock apple pie? Apple pie is a major food group in my book...don't mess with it!!!
Love the Velveeta is the Naugahyde of cheese comment - that's perfect. (it does make good junk food though)
Tang and Twinkies - the unknown food groups.
NO FAKE STUFF FOR ME!
Hope you enjoyed your cappuccino
And here's some good pizza reading for Dive: Paneer Tikka pizza, Tandoori Chicken pizza, etc at Pizza Hut. And on the menu at a coffee shop I visit regularly: under the heading "American Italian Pizzas", they list Andhra style (hot and spicy!), Karnataka Special (real classy) and Chettinad pizzas. Then we're served Chinese food with curry leaves, and God knows what other crimes.
Oh, I almost forgot: Chicken Pepperoni! Well, hell!
Hee hee hee.
It is my sad little secret and now, alas, the world knows.
But...I do insist on real whipped cream and butter. I do have SOME standards. The bar may not be very high with me (oreos anyone?) but there is a bar.
Having said that, i do like some quick stuff, like ding dinners (microwave) in the form of shepherds' pie. Okay okay it's not often, but i do find them yummy if i'm on my own and i don't want to cook and i'm in a hurry and i've... hurt my leg...and and all my cupboards are bare...oh Dive stop shouting at me, it's only now and then!
I'm not a huge coffee fan but i do like the real stuff. I get a bit zippy after, though.
At least here when they rip of apple pies they use choko's instead.
Hee hee.
Have those people not heard of Bramley Apples!!!
Alifan, I'm not sure I've heard of Bramley apples.
And Lynn, I'll take a picture of what's left of all the snow.
If you think about it, people didn't have so much of a problem with weight when they ate the real stuff back when. I'm just sayin'.
I tend to be a purist when it comes to pizza and bagels. Pizza should have a crispy thin crust. Mozzarella cheese only, no cheddar, no jack, no provolone. Crushed tomatoes only, no sauce. Bagels must be boiled, baked and have cornmeal on the bottom. Blueberry is not an option for bagels or cream cheese. If my Bubbie wouldn't recognize it, it's not a bagel.