Angela Anaconda

Because Daughter No. 2 had a snow day yesterday—well, actually it was a cold day since we didn't get any snow but had plenty of cold—she sat in front of the big-screen TV and watched movies. Afterwards, she discovered a long lost show we had loved in her childhood—Angela Anaconda.

There is and has always been a lot of crap in children's television programming. Low-budget shows with bad actors and bad scripts can rot a brain faster than anything, but Angela Anaconda is not one of those mentality-sucking shows. Angela Anaconda is a work of art, a combination of black-and-white photography and animation, a mixture of clever plots and funny lessons learned.

Angela Anaconda is an 8-year-old girl in the third grade who goes to school with friends like Gina Lash, Johnny Abatti, Gordy Reinhardt, and Josephine Praline. And she goes to school with her arch enemy, Nanette Manoir. Nanette Manoir is a pretentious snit who pretends to be French, and Angela Anaconda often calls her Nanette Manure. The teacher of this class is Mrs. Brinks, a woman who almost always takes the side of Nanette Manoir as she continuously tries to get Angela in trouble.

One of my favorite things about Angela Anaconda is that she calls her friends (and enemy) by their full names, all the time. I like to do that, too, especially if the full name flows off the tongue with complimentary syllables. The name Angela Anaconda does that.

All of the characters help to make Angela Anaconda a show rich in creative fun. Gina Lash is a sweet chubby girl who eats anything within reach. Johnny Abatti is an Italian-American kid with Elvis hair. Johnny Abatti picks his nose and shoots spit balls. Gordy Reinhardt is a weenie with asthma who makes strawberry soufflés for his ex-Army dad. Josephine Praline is a devout Catholic who would rather be in Catholic school but does what she can to be the moral compass for her classmates. Josephine Praline listens to confession in the stalls of the girls' restroom. Nanette Manure is just an over-indulged, narcisisstic brat.

I got to watch two full episodes of Angela Anaconda during the snow/cold day, and the experience made the 4˚ temperature worth while, for that one day anyway. Today, the schools are closed for actual snow—three inches over night and another four to five expected. I suppose it's too much to expect to find a revival of Super Chicken, but maybe we can find Pepper Ann.

Watch Angela Anaconda's introduction here, and you'll see why the show is so special and certainly does not contribute to the deterioration of young minds.