Radio 8 Ball

Every human being who has ever walked on the planet has had unanswered questions, even the praying ones. Sometimes I think especially the praying ones because I suspect they/we ask more to begin with, more questions that are never answered. You sit in your chair and pray, and when you're finished the room is just as quiet as when you opened with "Dear Father." It seems that way sometimes, doesn't it? Doesn't it sometimes feel like we're all clueless now, we were clueless yesterday, and we'll be clueless tomorrow?

So we come up with ways to fill in the gaps. Thanks to a story on All Things Considered (NPR) the other day, I learned of a new source for answers--Radio 8 Ball. This is a show on a radio station in Olympia, Washington--you call in with a question, the DJ shuffles a massive collection of CDs until you say "stop," then he plays the song that you landed on, like musical roulette. Somewhere in the lyrics is your answer, and it's your job to figure out how it relates. They're taking this show on the road, it's such a hit. And they have a website:

Radio 8 Ball

I went to this site and asked a question. The "oracle" suggests that the sincerity of the question is key, but I decided to keep it simple and not look for some deeper life meaning. I asked the same question six times--Will it rain?

Here's what I got: (the quotes were provided by the ball--I left out the corresponding Tarot card because, really, that's just crossing the line)

1. Extremely Cool sung by Chuck E. Weiss. "My uncle is the king of meshuganahs."
2. We're All Light sung by XTC. "There's a universe of atoms that thinks you're real something."
3. Think About Your Troubles sung by Nillson. "Eaten by some fishes who were eaten by some fishes."
4. The World Isn't Fair sung by Randy Newman. "Where the rich just get richer and the poor you don't ever have to see."
5. You Do Something to Me by Cole Porter but sung by The Andrews Sisters. "Do do that voodoo that you do so well."
6. Fond Farewell sung by Elliott Smith. "A little less than a suicide."

I am a relatively thoughtful person. I like to know why people say and do the things they say and do, and I wonder about the universe around me, but honestly, I don't have the mental energy (or maybe even the mental capacity) to sort through this hodge-podge of lyrics to find my answers. Maybe I'm missing something, and you can figure it out. Here are the complete lyrics and melody for You Do Something to Me. See what you can decipher.

Of course, I don't need to ask the 8 ball if it's going to rain because I can go to weather.com for that. But what if I had another question, like why are our weather patterns so imbalanced, giving some parts of the planet too much rain and other parts not enough? As much as I love the Andrews Sisters and Cole Porter, I don't think they can give me the answer in a song.

#2 suggested that the real trick might not be in the "answers" but in my question. She wondered if my asking if it's going to rain is really my asking if something bad is going to happen to me. Well, then, that changes everything completely, doesn't it? I'm not just burdened with the supposed meaning of the lyrics but with the subliminal meaning of the question as well. If that's the case, then I absolutely do not have the mental capacity to sort it all out.

Maybe I should just stick with praying, even though the trouble with the earth's disparity is never cleared up for me after "amen."